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June 15th, 2006
08:35 pm
gosh my friends are so amazing i want to cry.
well we had exams today and afterwards lindsay came over.
we ate hotdogs and then got jen and went to the playground and the pretty gazebo.
then we went to lincoln woods and sat on the beach playing the game of life.
and after that we got ice cream.
and then came home, watched fever pitch, went for a bikeride, and sat by the pool.
summer is so fucking amazing<3
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June 7th, 2006
06:03 pm
so according to my dad i'm just an expense and a waste to this family.
how nice.
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June 5th, 2006
07:59 pm
i just had choir practice.
first we practiced the song for sunday.
and then we went back singing all of the old songs for kicks.
next sunday is my very last time singing there. ever.
i'm not joining the guitar group. or senior choir.
i just don't have time.
i can't believe after 11 years it's over.
i almost cried.
why am i always fucking on the verge of tears?
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June 4th, 2006
08:43 am
so let me say this.
life has been pretty okay lately.
its had its ups and downs and i'm okay with that.
i dont really remember anything since i've last updated.
school's school. and i have senioritis already. pff.
it's so hard to bring myself to do work. it's pathetic.
actually i've been a bit better this past weekish.
i just can't wait for it to be over and it to be summer.
i pretty much live for summer. yay 12 days:)
we went to six flags for band and chorus the friday before last.
we got excellents:)
the park was fun but it started to pour.
and i went on the tomahawk with all the underclassmen and it made me happy.
i love things like that. it makes me love life:)
i'm getting a new piano teacher.
it should be um... interesting.
this wednesday my brother and his friends found kitties.
me and lindsay are taking care of one this week and she's so cute.
her daddy is going to take her but he can't come down till next saturday.
so yay for kitties. she's black and fits in the palm of my hand
and you have to feed her with a bottle.
at my voice lesson my piano teacher told her that i'm going to lila kane over the summer.
and she went into this huge rant about how she's a total bitch and that i dont practice enough for her and if i dont practice enough then she's gonna drop me. and it goes on from there. and they're like well if you have her you can't do anything extra this year because sound of music took up buttloads of my time and i really wanted to audition for a christmas carol this season. but i don't know. it depends on if i still have that teacher.
i don't like having to make choices between things.
oh on memorial day i went to the beach with lindsay and it was cold and cloudy.
i'm so random.
last night was kristin's play and she had a really unflattering dress.
it made me laugh. but it was still cute.
i really don't want to go to church.
i'm so sick of it.
and i have no idea where my freaking music is and i don't feel like getting yelled at.
i just don't want to put up with that crap anymore.
thats okay it ends this year.
and now i guess i'll get ready.
Current Music: rocket summer ish.
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May 15th, 2006
04:34 pm
so i pretty much hate life.
well not hate it but you get it.
its amazing how rollercoasteresque my moods can be.
its kindof annoying.
just the other day i thought that life was great.
mrs. enright won't fucking take my resume.
no it doesn't matter that she told me she would and to bring it to her on monday.
it doesn't matter that i spent time on it.
it doesn't matter that she's taking kerin's homework and resume late. and lindsay's journal entries late. and jen's homework.
of course not becuase she freaking loves them.
not me though. whatever.
i'm writing her a note as childish as that sounds but i suck at confrontation and i need to tell her what i feel collectedly without her interupting me. ugh *Sigh*
other than that i'm fine.
i got an a in solo and ensemble.
go me.
now i have to reclean my room.
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May 14th, 2006
02:36 pm
why doesn't my family have any respect for my privacy.
i was just walked in on getting dressed for the second time today.
do they not realize that when the door is shut you knock?
dumbasses.
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12:44 am
so can i say that life is pretty good right now? yessireee, socially:] academically is a wayy different story.
I'm failing english. but mrs. enright is letting me turn in my resume which will get of five zeroes so yay! sometimes i love that lady, and sometimes i dont like when she calls me a nasty little girl.
I'm also failing physics but that's only because i'm missing bunch of labs from being absent that are in the process of being made up. so its all good. i think i can fix all that.
wednesday was the spring concert. i absolutely loveee them.
overall i'd say it went pretty well.
i forgot some words in me and derek's duet thinger. but whatev.
yesterday was my 17th birthday.
i told mrs. enright i was 17 and she was like yikes that's old!
and i know it really isn't but its odd because i'm that much closer to being an adult.
that much closer to the end of high school and the beginning of college.
that much closer to figuring out what exactly i want to do with my life.
that much closer to actually doing want i want with my life.
it all scares me. a lot.
welp. that i saw stick it with steph, linds, and jen.
it was cute. and then we went to applebees and they sang to me.
today i went to solo and ensemble.
voice was fine but the judge was a bitch. but i don't care.
i kindof left my rubric in that room and by the time i realized it i didn't want to go back. part of it was that i didn't want to do it for piano. so i left.
i wanted to cry.
piano has been the one stable thing in my life these past few years.
the only thing i've really been sure of, but it isn't anymore.
i suck. i don't practice and hour a day. and i'm not gonna get into a good collge.
another thing is, i don't want to get into college on piano.
i don't want to major in it.
i want to sing. not performance, but i'm thinking a double major with music ed.
i still have a little while but i can't use the excuse that college is a long time away becuase it isn't anymore.
yet again that scares me.
after steph came over, and we did that stupid ping pong launcher.
i'm not gonna lie. wicked bomb launcher we made.
and it shoots them like 20 feet.
tuesday we're making it purple and sparkly.
the other day i said sparkly was my favorite color.
steph made download a new band called cartel. they're good and cartel means poster in spanish.
okay i'm done being add.
then i went "birthday bowling" with steph, linds, jen, kerin, and jay.
it was alright.
and here i am.
so now i'm going to go to bed becuase i'm mad tired from waking up at like 7 to practice the fucking piano.
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May 9th, 2006
05:52 am
i'm such a hypocrite.
and i'm so disgusted with myself i want to puke.
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May 8th, 2006
03:46 pm
so i've been meaning to do this for foreverrrr and i just keep being too lazy.
so spain. words really can't describe how awesome it was.
it's just so beautiful and old there compared to here. well duh.
it just makes me feel... really happy.
it was mostly sightseeing and stuff.
there was a hot flamenco guy and shawn got spit on.
and i'm sure nobody really wants a play by play recap on went down.
so i won't.
sound of music ended last night. and i'm incredibly sad.
as frustrated and ridiculous stressed and busy as it made it was really an amazing experience.
just the friends i've made there make it amazing. i'm gonna miss them so so so much but we do have a party on july first.
its not even that i'm sad i won't be seeing anymore really, it's more of that i'm gonna miss the way i could be with them. for the first time in my life since i was a kid i was able to truly be myself and be totally inhibited there. i mean i love my friends here in cumberland but i can't be like that. with them i can.
♥out of the box crew + matt.
the shows went amazingly well and people were saying that it was much better than ppac. and last night was the cast party and i bawwwwled my eyes out. so what if i'm a dork. i'm definitely auditioning for a christmas carol<3
so school pretty much blows now. and i'm so lazy and it's horrible.
i'm probably failing english but she's laying it on pretty ridiculously right now.
we aren't a freaking honors class and i hate that.
actually everything but that is okay. physics is a little if-y but when isn't it?
tonight i have choir. i pretty much hate choir now and honestly i can't wait for it to be done.
i have an interview at sylvan learning center on thursday so woo.
i hope i get the job because well, i never get the job.
wednesday is the spring concert and i personally don't think we're ready.
but whatever.
solo and ensemble is next saturday and yet again i don't think i'm ready.
i need to clean my room now.
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April 26th, 2006
03:50 pm
I simply cannot do this anymore.
I feel like i'm so far behind and there's no way I can ever catch up.
On the bright side, only 223 more days I'll have to go through this.
Spain update coming... umm sometime.
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April 14th, 2006
09:39 pm
So in less than four days I will be on a plane to spain.
How fucking awesome is that?
I haven't been really really really exited up untill today really. Like sure I was excited but now I can't wait! What could be better than going to europe with all of your best friends! eeeeeeee!
so today I went out to breakfast with erica and mateo.
then to target. and i am the most compulsive buyer everrrr. i bought a lot of little things for the trip
oh and i also bought a 400 page my little pony coloring book and twist up crayons :)
then i went home.
and went back out to borders where i spent 40 dollars on two books, three magazines, and a book light.
and then i bought bread crumbs at daves and chicken checked me out. and that made me giggle :)
and i successfully made a complete meal tonight for like the first time ever.
meatloaf with roasted potatoes and peas. go me :)
i just got home from the movies with steph. we saw take the lead and hoyle was there. that amused me.
and i suppose i'm going to go to bed now.
goodnight lovessss.
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April 9th, 2006
04:31 pm
so what is this about honey dew using flavor shots.
that really depresses me.
oh and little shop of horrors was great.
i thought i was going to not like it but i really did.
i think it actually might be up there with thoroughly modern millie.
i'm obsessed with "i still believe" from miss saigon.
i have no money for gas so i'm trying to do chores for money.
but instead i'm here doing this completely random pointless update.
i'm so excited for rehearsal tonight because i miss those girls. [and matt i guess haha]
and now i'm going to vacuum :)
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12:44 am
So this past week has been all about living lessons.
and i was sick the entire time but oh well.
monday was rehearsal.
tuesday i saw coldplay and it was the most fucking amazing show ever.
wednesday rehearsal again.
thursday was the show. it went sooo much better than I expected.
friday I stayed home from school and slept till 2:30. then my voice teacher said she was proud of me how I stuck it through and came anyways even though I felt like shit and could barely sick.
today was another arsenic and old lace show. it was rather funny even if there were a couple of messups.
G gave me a little card saying how much she was proud of me and how much I changed and I dunno it just really meant a lot a lot to me.
monday night I came home crying because things weren't exactly going the way i had hoped with living lessons, and I was mad at g for the way she was treating me. i was pretty sure that i didn't want to do this again next year. and now i've finally just read kristin's reflection and the part about "How you say something is just as important as what you are saying, the right decision is not always an easy one and criticism is often a necessary component of growth" really hit home with me. I need to stop being a baby and start acting more like an adult. that idea really scares me but it has to be done. but it's true. not everything is going to go my way and i've got to be more mature about it.
so after the show tonight cast party back at kristin's which was fun. I got home at like 12:30 and I was afraid that my dad would catch me coming home this late but its all good.
tomorrow i get to see little shop of horrors with lindsay in the afternoon and then i have rehearsal at night with my favorite girls.
life is good right now.
and now i'm going to bed in this awesome euphoric state.
♥
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April 2nd, 2006
10:16 pm
I'm supposed to be making a passport for that language party thing. Yeah that's not happening.
I got sick saturday night with a fever and such. I woke up with a fever too but it's mostely gone. I just feel like shit now. but thats okay. just in time for pretty much the busiest week ever.
Living Lessons rehearsals up the wazoo. and it's not that i can talk since like the actual cast has been having them for the longest time, but i need to ease into these kind of things. but oh well. almost done.
and coldplay with kristin on tuesday. wooo.
I had rehearsal tonight at the stadium. It's pretty fun except we don't have that table where we do our homework at. Instead we pretend we're like 007 and roll into the lobby and crawl behind the concession counter and steal candy. I felt bad and then Leanne told me not to because we don't get paid for doing this show so we should at least get free candy. I love that girl hehe.
And now i'm gonna go to bed I think.
niiighhht.
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March 27th, 2006
05:51 pm
So I've never hated school this much untill this year.
Everyday when I walk into Western Civ, I think to myself that I should've taken Psychology. I'm horrible at phyisics. Spanish is sooo freaking boring since we've done since freshman year. There's sooo much work in English. I rather dislike algebra. I'm not too fond of gym either. The only classes I actually like are music theory, chorus, and sometimes band.
I can't wait till I graduate. And I know it's going to be more work, but I don't care. I just need something new. And once I get done with my gen eds i dont think i'll mind school that much because I'll be learning about stuff I actually want to learn about.
I'm having pit band rehearsal tomorrow and i'm afraid no one will come. haha
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March 26th, 2006
10:18 pm
guys are really really dumb.
and they need to be not so arrogant.
and i hate them.
and he's stupid. and he is not a nice person.
and it was fucking like 2 years ago.
whatever.
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March 22nd, 2006
06:21 pm
Hey guys.
So I always tell myself that i'm going to update this stuff and I don't because i'm freaking awesome like that.
First off, I got my lisence. and my car which I freaking love. Being able to get myself places without my mom driving me is the most amazing thing everrr. And there's no one there to tell me to slow down or watch out for this or that. And I get to turn my radio up as loud as I want :)
School is going okay. I did an english presentation yesterday and got a 78 which is what I get on EVERYTHING in that class so oh well. I had a meeting with my guidance counselor about college. It was kindof pointless I think becuase I think I'm pretty on task with this college stuff. I mean, I know what I want to do and I have a sortof kindof list of where I want to go. I just need to go visiting, which I'll probably do a buttload of in the end of the year/summer.
I had my piano lesson today. And yet again I get a college lecture. Seriously is that what all adults think about. I mean, I know it's really important right now and they all mean well by giving me advice, but I hate people telling me stuff I already know. He said I need to step up my practicing. I try to I really do but I'm so fucking busy that it's pretty much impossible. Well, once Living Lessons and Sound of Music are done it'll be okay.
So Living Lessons is fun. Basically, I have to start rehearsals next monday and I still need flutes. I asked someone but she doesn't know if she wants to. And freaking Chris DaCosta needs to transpose the music. i'm just like wtf let me do it, but no he has a program that can do it for him. whatever.
Sound of Music is going well too. I loveee nun downtime becuase we're so silly. It's ridiculous. I love those girls there.
Ummm... I don't know what else to say.
So I'll end here.
Current Music: something by yellowcard
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March 11th, 2006
03:17 pm
Tonight I'm babysitting Emily and Jacob.
I'm bringing some of my tacky makeup and nailpolish and I'm going to makeovers with Emily.
And I'm bringing some animal-y movies for Jacob so they'll both be happy.
And I hope they told Jacob that I'm babysitting because last time they didn't and he was asleep when I got there and woke up after they left and furrreaked.
mmm yes.
and its also going to be a "long night". I dont know if that means like 10 or like 12 or whatever. But it'll definitely be over $50 and that really excites me becuase then I'll be able to pay for my second month of car insurance!
woo i'll be able to drive for two months hahaha.
that's good though because it'll be for all of my ridiuclous rehearsals for sound of music. there's gonna be some really late practices so I don't have to worry about having to have my mom get me really late.
mmmm. 6 days till I get my lisence.
:)
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March 10th, 2006
05:01 pm
Is it bad to say that I want a different life?
I'm just so sick and tired of the way things are.
I'm sick of the drama.
I'm sick of my friends (most of them).
I'm sick of being tired.
I'm sick of having massive bags under my eyes.
I'm sick of being so stressed that I just break down and cry.
I'm sick of school.
I'm sick of homework.
I'm sick of spreading myself too thin.
I'm sick of everyone wanting me to do something for them.
I'm sick of having bad grades.
I'm sick of not having motivation.
I'm sick of being so damn moody.
I wish I could be happier.
I wish I didn't feel this way because I know a lot more people have it worse.
I wish I was smarter.
I wish I had motivation and good grades.
I wish I could be better at everything I do.
I wish that everything could be okay with all of my friends.
I wish I didn't have as much schoolwork.
I wish I could get a good night of sleep.
I wish I could go out and have fun.
So I guess that basically sums everything up.
I want to go out tonight but everyone is already at various places or is busy or working.
So here I am.
Current Music: rooney- i'm shakin'
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March 8th, 2006
07:08 pm
I just remembered one thing I forgot to say.
-I can't go to prom becuase there is a sound of music performance that night.
But I think i'm going to terms with it. I mean, look at all the money I'll save. And I'm still glad i'm in the show becuase if i never auditioned because I knew it was on prom then I wouldn't have become friends with Amanda and Leanne and they are amazing.
And plus we're going to applebees afterwards and having Adam Pascal seranade us.
haha in our dreamsss!
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